The News in Pictures

Featuring such classics as:

• Don't let them "Keep a Welcome" with your taxes!
• Don't give me that "compassion" waffle!
• You kip on polish!
• Ennys has your back, homes.

Stuff, things, items and their ilk.

Not much, really; mostly whales.

It's Monday. It's February. Nobody here is particularly in the mood for work, least of all me. MisterQueue has been scarce of face-showing recently, so I arbitrarily nominate myself as his stand-in apparent.

It's about time we got some Queuestions a Yiquisition going.

Questions within. All of them music-related. Answer them.

Good; glad to have got your attention.

As mentioned, I need a woman. Just getting any woman will not be good enough, however.

I need a woman who:

• can sing
• has a naturally high-ish register
• can manage a range between A4 and A5 [see comments] (come on, that's only an octave; ObHowHardCanItBe?)
• sounds like heaven-with-bells-on (we're prepared to work with some leeway on this one)
• has the facility and ability to record herself singing (in a highish-quality, digital format) and get said data to me.
• wants her name attached to an MFC entry, without having to do very much work at all.
• Can work without lyrics (i.e. lalala, doo-doo-doo, Mmm-mmm-mmm etc.)

Being an interstellar harmonic sex-bomb siren isn't obligatory, but if you've got it, why hide it?

If you think you've got what it takes, apply within (otherwise your part risks being replaced by a synthesizer or piano, and that would be a d'yam shame).

Random tack, electromagnetically.

The once-a-week bulletin you've come to ... expect.

AKA "When They Get A Taste For It".

On a woman assistant referee:

"She should not be here. I know that sounds sexist, but I am sexist, so I am not going to be anything other than that ...

... We have a problem in this country with political correctness, and bringing women into the game is absolutely beyond belief ...

... It is bad enough with the incapable referees and linesmen we have, but if you start bringing in women, you have big problems ...

This is Championship football. This is not park football, so what are women doing here? It is tokenism for the politically-correct idiots."

On his club's own chairman:

"The club has gone backwards off the pitch during the last two years. He has not made any decisions, and he has contributed nothing ... Everything he has got involved in, he has messed up."

Thus spake Mike Newell.